Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things —-Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011.  Today, you have achieved something special —– something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know:  a college diploma.   That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce.  I’m talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg.   Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would somebody have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.

Conan O’Brien

Listen to the entire speech here

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