2011 ended far different than what I anticipated. Over the past 5 months, I quit a full-time job, moved home, reunited with my sister after her living in New Zealand for 8 months, finished my thesis, completed a Master’s program from one of the best universities in the country, celebrated my graduation with so many loved ones including Nicole and Deneice, and had my heart broken by the person I surely thought would have remained by my side until I left to New York City. If the recent events have taught me anything, it is this: life will move on, and some people will always fail you. It is my inherent job to refrain from repeating the same mistakes in 2012.

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. ––Neil Gaiman

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Jessy e-mailed this photo tonight: seems like yesterday I was saying goodbye. Can’t wait for a hello.

He took this photo on my last day living in Austin, September of 2008. That’s John’s body in front of me, and Duncan’s tail, and Ryan’s truck in the background, and cupcakes Monika made. That was our front lawn. Our family was all together. See look.

I drove away an hour later, to a new life in Los Angeles. In a few weeks, I leave California, to a new life in New York.

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the photographer in my head says:

give me peace.

flash.

give me release.

invisible monsters, chuck palahniuk

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If no one is home, then someone is missing.  So you grieve.

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Look for God. Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water.

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I gave my mother a matching set of mugs for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike.  David Sedaris

happy holidays, ya’ll

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Finally remembered to check my grades for the semester and: straight A’s.

One of my final projects required me to rebrand Baskin Robbins.  Out of 370 points, I scored: 360.

My thesis was nominated for presentation in the Western Psychological Association Conference held in San Francisco in April of 2012.

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christmas is in two days. this might be the saddest one yet.

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Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened.

You don’t look back along time but down through it, like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that, sometimes nothing. Nothing goes away.

Hatred would have been easier. With hatred, I would have known what to do. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love.

What a terrible thing it is to botch a farewell. I am a person who believes in form, in the harmony of order. Where we can, we must give things a meaningful shape. For example – I wonder – could you tell my jumbled story in exactly one hundred chapters, not one more, not one less? I’ll tell you, that’s one thing I have about my nickname, the way the number runs on forever. It’s important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse. That bungled goodbye hurts me to this day. I wish so much that I’d had one last look at him in the lifeboat, that I’d provoked him a little, so that I was on his mind.

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You can get used to anything – haven’t I already said that? Isn’t that what all survivors say?

Blessed be shock. Blessed be the part of us that protects us from too much pain and sorrow. At the heart of life is a fusebox.

yann martel

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My head was a condemned church with a ceiling of bats, but I swung from this dark mood to euphoria when I thought about leaving.

dave eggers

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